Remember, remember, ‘tis Thailand in November. Which means the start of high season, which means more tourists, which means more irritation for local barflies like me. What’s up everyone, my name’s Seven and this is my blog. Last Monday was Halloween, which for horny singles in the US meant drunken house parties and/or a bender at TGI Friday’s. In Bangkok, it means redlight districts full of chicks getting their spooky on. I began in Nana Plaza, a move that’s quickly becoming routine. First, I hit Twister to look for galpals. Kaew was there, and plopped down next to me for a chat. She’s formerly from XXX Lounge, and Electric Blue before that. Twister had lots of decorations up, but few girls in costume. These days the majority of dancers just draw on a scar or a Joker smile using eyeliner and hit the stage. A minority try harder, ordering what amount to typical gogo cosplay outfits off Lazada, and a scant few don contact lenses and put on real costumes. I prefer the gogo cosplay girls. Cheap-and-sexy. Turns me on. And so I didn’t stick around Twister very long. The girls at Random 2 and Stockings made the greatest effort at costumes. I included pics in a Halloween slideshow earlier this week over at my YouTube channel (link at the bottom). There were tons of vanilla tourists in NanaP on the 31st. Most of them peeked through the doors of ground floor gogos and ran away in terror.
At some point, I slinked into Spanky’s where the party was raucous. They had a dude with a saxophone playing along live to 80s disco hits, and again, awesome tits out everywhere I looked. There’s a self-feeding trend in a redlight. The increase in tourists makes for more money for the girls makes for happier girls makes for better party makes for more tourists. It can also go the other way, but right now in the redlights, it’s an upward trend with no sign of stopping, especially considering the photos that came out on Sunday of thousands of deplaned passengers in Suvarnabhumi. Fingers crossed this will mean more preCovid veterans return along with hordes of new chicks flooding in from the countryside.
Billboard was the same as always—mostly aging chubsters onstage, with a handful of hotties sprinkled in. I’m kind of getting bored with Billboard if I’m honest. Then it was on to Butterflies for buy-one-get one beers, a promo their running every Monday to Wednesday now. There were tons of girls, mostly chubsters, but everybody was in high spirits and the party was fun. I love the bar staff there. Just like in Billboard, they remember your face, remember your drink preference and are always attentive.
On Tuesday, I was back in NanaP again. It was the fourth Tuesday in a row I’ve been to the Plaza. I swear I’m not doing it on purpose. If I had a brain in my head, I’d switch up the days so as to get a feel for the Za at different times throughout the week. Incidentally, I’m trying out new nicknames/abbreviations for Nana Plaza. So far I’ve got NanaP (a play on Rick & Morty season one’s Scary T) and the Za. We’ll see if either one sticks.
I started my Tuesday by hopping on a stool at Hooter’s, though for a change of pace I got fish tacos instead of the usual buffalo chicken. I don’t know why, but a San Miguel Light at the Hootz tastes more like a Mexican beer than at other places. I’ve no theory on that. The tacos were awesome—plump, savory slabs of grilled fish—if a bit expensive. 400++. That’s painful considering it’s double the typical bill at Shenanigan’s Patpong.
While enjoying my pricey meal, I saw two Indian guys trying to talk a freelancer into a 2-for-1 in the Nana Hotel car park. It ended in failure. By 7 pm the sweetstank of dank buds had already permeated the entire car park, wafting gently into the Hooter’s outdoor seating area. Then it was time to hit Twister. None of my friends were there. They all work Friday-Saturday, which are days I tend to spend onPong. Oh well, there was plenty of hot strange to look at, so, c’est la vie. I ogled a few new hotties and then went out to sit on the terrace and smoke a Backwoods. It’s fun to watch tourists not in ‘the know’ wander from gogo to gogo, unaware of where to avoid and where to make a point to go. My Za routine is now Twister-Spanky’s-Billboard-Butterflies, and sometimes Random 1. I slice through NanaP like a surgeon, evading the shitty bars with the ease and grace of a professional monger—which is what I am.
Once in a while, a girl will hit the redlight scene who is by all metrics too hot to be in a gogo. Such is the case with a current dancer at Twister. She doesn’t yet realize how smoking she is. Once she’s had a long enough streak of customers obsessing over her, she’ll figure it out. In fact, I wager she won’t last the month on the pole. Some dude’s going to snap her up and take her out of the bar for good.
As I passed Whiskey and Go Go on my way to Billboard, a hostess shouted “Seven! You remember me? I worked in Patpong, you buy me somtam every day.” I didn’t remember her. Then she said, “Come inside, you buy me drink now, now.” I pointed at my earbuds to say ‘sorry, I can’t hear you’ and fled upstairs. Looks like I’ll be using Nana’s back staircase from now on.
Billboard had two 20-girl rotations plus 8 in the tub and was ¾ full at 21.00. The Tuesday lineup is definitely not the same caliber as a Friday-Saturday crew. Butterflies is doing 2-for-2 beers every Monday to Wednesday. On that Tuesday they had 30 girls spread over three rotations. At 22.00 I skipped out t’Pong, stopping first to have a pint at a regular bar. A pair of idiot tourists were parked on the terrace, intently watching an injured roach limp toward the street. They seemed consumed by the idea of an insect on the premises, as if it’s remotely possible to keep them out of the bar in this tropical clime.
On Soi 1, a dude passed by whilst scrutinizing a paper map. I couldn’t fathom how out-of-date it must’ve been. At half 10 a farang lady came wandering down the soi with her son who looked to be around 11 years old. She kept trying to distract him by pointing to the shoe and souvenir shops but he couldn’t take his eyes of the King’s Castle entrance. I think I actually witnessed the moment he started puberty.
From this point onward in my week, I confess I drank to excess every night, and so they all kind of blur together now in my memory. I’ll try my best to separate out the days but honestly, it’s all a blur.
One night—I think it might’ve been Friday—I was back at Nana, first for a bite to eat and then the Za. I got fish and chips at Chequers (290b) and a Tiger pint. Walking to the Plaza, an old farang was ahead of me, weaving his way through the freelancers. One touched his arm and asked if he wanted to short-time. He flipped out and jumped away from her. She clearly took offense and said “Why you do like that?” The asshole came to a notorious redlight and then reacted as if the freelancer was the one out of place. That’s like going to Disneyland and getting mad that Mickey’s there.
My first gogo visit was to Rainbow 5, chasing a rumor that a dancer from Patpong had relocated there. ‘Twas one of the prettiest Pong girls ever, following the trend of chicks abandon Pong for Nana—all for the same two reasons: lack of customers and bullying mamasans. Though the weekend definitely saw an uptick in tourist traffic onPong.
Following Rainbow, I hit Geisha, again to confirm a rumor that Pong girls had moved there. It proved to be false, but happily there were three impossibly hot girls onstage. 170b SMLs. Then I got to Spanky’s just in time for a dance routine to the tune of Surfin’ USA. ‘Twere two topless girls on beach towels, and customers spreading lotion all over their tits and asses. Brilliant.
Over the course of the last month, 5 ATMs were removed from Soi 1. Now there are only two ATMs in the whole of Patpong. If I were a conspiracy theorist, I’d say this is preparation for Thailand to eventually go cashless.
On Saturday I meant to go to NanaP but could only muster enough energy to schelp down t’Pong. First though, I had to pay a visit to G’s German on Soi 4 to check out a couple new beers on their menu, namely Limburgse Pear-Apple and Floris Chocolat. Both were awesome. By half 9, there were no empty seats in King’s Castle. Bar staff had to pull stools out of King’s 2 and set them up around the stage. An old wrinkled farang came in and tried to barfine a girl who was already sitting with a customer. It was very awkward for everyone, and I thought security would kick him out. Instead, he bounced around the bar, drunkenly accosting other customers. Here’s a random fact: every girl in King’s is thinner than every girl in Billboard. Just stating the science.
At 21.50 I swung by XXX Lounge, just as Beer was returning from a short-time barfine. The manager was handing out free beers, on account of it being XXX’s 3-year anniversary. I could’ve sworn they opened earlier than three months before the start of the scamdemic, but there you go. My memory must be going. The girls were decked out in gold bikinis, and the place was rammed. Earn gave me the cold shoulder because I haven’t had her over to my place in a while, which is why she looks so dour in the photo slideshow companion for this post (link below). But it’s her fault. She got chubby. She needs to learn. You get chubby, you lose your harem spot.
Midway through the night I popped over to Pink Panther to find four new skinny girls plus Luktal, aka Catgirl—formerly of Glamour/Bada Bing/Twister, and now on brief sabbatical at the Panther. She’s got a real case of can’t-settle-on-a-gogocation (gogo location). She did say she’d be heading back to Twister next week.
In other Pong-related news, Delaney’s is poised to soft-open on 15.11 and the long-anticipate burrito booth will also be doling out sweet Cali-style Mex on the night, as well as the Patpong Now! Gallery event on 11.11, where yours truly will display a few artistic attempts in XXX Lounge. Swing by for a gander if you feel like it.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Check back next Sunday for another summary of red-light events. In the meantime, you can read more about Bangkok life on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/
Redlight videos and slide shows, including the companion for this post, can be found at https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
Follow me on Twitter @BangkokSeven for daily pics from the redlight, and until next time, keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.
Pro Tip Post-Script: If you make the mistake of acquiring a Thai girlfriend, always employ the “Heat” principal. In that movie, Robert DeNiro’s character explains that a good escape artist never holds onto anything he’s not willing to abandon in 30 seconds when he feels the heat around the corner. In the same way, one should always be ready to walk away from a relationship with a Thai girl at any moment. If you’re in one and you don’t know what I’m talking about, just wait. You’ll figure it out.