I’m not a journalist, or even a pretend journalist like most of the ‘journalists’ in Bangkok. I’m a whoremonger with a website. I don’t generally try to or like to report news, unless it’s something innocuous like the King’s Group reopening the Castle 2 on Soi 1 last week. That kind of “news” is in my wheelhouse.
Unfortunately, through a loosely strung-together set of coincidences, I find myself in a position to report what some might call actual news today regarding the redlight—specifically, my favorite redlight: Patpong.
As the 10 people who read my blog surely already know, the Thai military and police shut down three gogos and a bdsm bar on Patpong Soi 2 last week, and at the time of posting, they remain closed. The fuzz also raided the Patpong Museum and several other gogos inPong, and randomly closed the whole neighborhood early during the week. A few fellow punters messaged me to ask what the fuck was going on. And as it happens, I have that information. And so I must pretend to be a journalist for the next 800 or so words, in order to update you, reader, on the who, what, when, where, and why the fuck are the cops so goddam retarded. Here goes…
If you read Thai news, you likely know that last weekend, a gogo off Bangla Road in Patong (not Patpong) Phuket was raided for having underage girls working in the bar. The “Media” ran with it as a “child prostitution ring.” No ages of the girls were provided, so the casual reader would probably think, “Wow, what did they have, 12-year-old sex slaves in there or what?” The “Media” also reported that the girls were recruited from the countryside and forced into prostitution, and that the entire enterprise was run by a “Swiss man.” Now, it just so happens that I’m familiar with the man in question, and although I don’t know him well, he never struck me as a person who would 1—traffic children, 2—force anyone into prostitution, or 3—be enterprising enough to run a “ring” of such behavior. If I had to guess, I’d say that what happened in Phuket is the same thing that’s happened in Thailand redlights for decades. Girls who aren’t yet 18 come to work in the bars because they have no education or skills and want to make big money. They lie about their age (or the mamasans look the other way) and get on the pole one or two or three years before they should. Farang managers and owners trust the mamasans to check IDs and believe them when they say, “She OK, she 18.”
Now, I could be totally wrong. It’s very possible that the “Media” is factually accurate in their reporting. It would be a first, and a miracle, but it’s possible. If it’s true, then everyone involved should go to prison and the girls should be sent home. However, assuming it is true, why then—you might ask—did a raid in Phuket somehow trigger shutdowns in Bangkok? Well, here’s why…
The owner of the bar in Patong Phuket also owns 4 bars and a museum in Patpong BKK. And so, in what appears to be a ridiculously overblown attempt at punishment and/or excuse to do what some politicians have wanted to do for ages (end the redlight), the super-zealous head of police got in a car, drove 526 miles from Patong to Patpong, and shuttered the Bangkok bars owned by the same company that owns the Phuket bar, where no one was underage and no one broke any laws. It’s a textbook example of Thai policing.
But the zany antics didn’t stop there. The cops raided the museum. Yes, you read that right. I guess they thought underage girls would be…I don’t know…stuck in display cases? Then they raided other gogos not owned by said company. Why? Fuck knows. Then, as stated earlier, one night during the week they randomly closed all the bars in Patpong-not-Patong early. Why? Fucking fuckity fuck knows. Maybe I don’t understand the logic because I’m farang. Maybe I don’t get it because there’s no logic to it at all. I’m not going to speculate which of those is correct. I’m just going to try to figure out how I’m supposed to provide rent money for all the legally-employed Patpong girls who committed no crime, yet are going on week two with no job.
Actually, most of them immediately flitted over to NanaP, which…I mean…good for them. Others are floundering. The latter have sent me desperate Line messages asking for help with food and diaper money. Thanks, Thai police. You’ve surreptitiously drained my savings account. Cheers for that.
Meanwhile, rumors abound that five-o have asked the Patpong family, who own the leases on all the bars, to revoke the leases of the bars owned by the company. That’s the company whose offending bar was in Phuket—not Bangkok. If that happens, the Pong will go from 9 venues to 5 overnight. That could, in this humble monger’s opinion, sound the death knell for the redlight. I might be wrong, though. Most of the surviving bars would be on Soi 1 where the Night Market, food stalls, and beer garden are a huge draw for tourists. Shenanigan’s Irish Pub is also on Soi 1. Pink Panther is on Soi 2 but they’re on the corner of Surawong and reap the benefits of the foot traffic along that road. The one that would really suffer is Bada Bing. It would end up being the lone gogo on Soi 2 besides Panther, and unless other leasers step in to take over the shut gogos, Soi 2 would be all but dead.
Perhaps you’re reading this with a sense of confusion. How in the everloving fuck, you might be asking, does a raid in Phuket translate to so much havoc in Patpong (not Patong)? Well, there are a few reasons. First, the Patpong police have been looking for an excuse to kick the gogo owner in question in the balls for a long, long time. Negotiations for leases, licenses, operating hours, etc. have long been points of contention between the company and the cops, who prefer a more compliant, more conciliatory reaction to their authoritarianism from farang owners. Second, the head cop, known as Big Joke (apparently he doesn’t see the irony), is a fierce enforcer (enfiercer for short, copyright BKK7) when it comes to crime, to the point that he will go after people not even associated with the crime, in an effort to show how tough he is on crime. He’s so tough on crime that if you know someone who knows someone who might’ve committed a crime, you and everyone you work with are fucked, buddy. Third, there’s long been a faction of military and politicians who want to see everything redlight-related erased from the surface of Thailand. In a move some might call “cutting off your nose to spite your face,” many Thai officials would if they could eliminate the number one money-maker for the country, seemingly out of embarrassment at its existence. The main reason why people visit TLOS, the thing that drives their economy. Gone. They somehow inexplicably believe expensive hi-so tourism, floating markets, beaches, and street food will magically compensate for the loss in revenue if sex tourism is eradicated.
Personally, I would love nothing more than to see the redlights razed to the ground. And as Patpong’s most fervent and frequent gogo supporter, that statement might surprise you. In truth, if it happened I’d have to find a new place to plant my ass nightly other than next to a gogo pole. But it would be a small price to pay to finally, blessedly be rid of all the gross, sweaty, stupid fuckers who come here to behave badly and bang bar girls. I hate them with a deep, enduring hatred down to the marrow in my bones. So if I had to switch from gogos to regular bars from now on, and just have my harem girls over to my place on a weekly basis, so be it. I can live with that.
At this point, we only have questions and speculations (questulations) about the future of Patpong, and the redlights in general. Is this the beginning of an anti-redlight tidal wave that will spread to Nana, Cowboy, Pattaya, Hua Hin, the rest of Phuket, and Samui? It feels unlikely, but anything’s possible. That’s the worst-case scenario for mongers and gogo lovers. On the other hand, will things cool down in coming days and return to normal? Maybe. The more likely scenario is somewhere in between. At this point, the Thai Media and police have ginned-up what is likely just a story of teenagers lying about their age into an international crime syndicate selling children as sex slaves, so heads must certainly roll. If I had to guess, I’d say the cops will make this the final nail in the coffin for a certain farang that they’ve longed long (Shakespeare shout-out) to be rid of. Or maybe they’ll be content to merely hurt his businesses in a big way. One thing I know for sure: a lot of people who didn’t do anything wrong—from the Patpong (not Patong) dancers to the bar staff to the managers to the Museum employees to the punters who like women over 18—have been kicked squarely in the nuts. And I’m one of them. We don’t deserve this shit.
At the same time that all this is happening, cocaine dealers parade around Sukhumvit with impunity, and Thermae brothel’s doors remain open. It’s as if law enforcement is being selective about who they target and who they ignore. Legal-aged gogo dancer just trying to feed her kids? You’re fucked. African here illegally and doling out Colombian marching powder on Soi 11? No problemo, amigo.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Check back next Sunday for another summary of red-light events. In the meantime, you can read more about Bangkok life on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/
I’m not currently in Thailand (I’m in LA helping my mum remodel her kitchen), so there’s no slideshow companion for this post. But you can check out lots of redlight-related slideshows and videos over at
https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
If you’re in a generous mood, you can donate anytime at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bangkok7
Follow me on Twitter @BangkokSeven for daily pics from the redlight, and until next time, keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.
Pro Tip Post-Script: If you’re hitting the redlight, and the Thai military raids the place, just sit still and drink your beer like you don’t even see the cunts in camo. Don’t flinch, don’t run, don’t rage. Just act like nothing unusual is happening. Then when your beer is empty, pay your checkbin and get up to leave, but as you head toward the exit, stop for a second and look toward the nearest barmaid like you might want to have one more for the road. After considering for a moment, leave. You won’t look like you’re trying to escape, and the cops won’t even take notice of you.
