How’s it hangin’ reader? Hot enough for ya? As this wrung-out whoremonger is going on year 14 in TLOS, summer 2023 is already one of the top 3 hottest. And some parts are hotter than others. For instance, Bangkok’s 3 redlight districts—Soi Cowboy, Nana Plaza, and Patpong—emit varying temperatures and are of themselves unique and separate ecosystems. And for those of us who speak the parlance of poontang, the vernacular of vajay, the dialect of debauchery, the speech of sleaze, the devil is in the detailed differences between them. Here’s the current state of the BK redlight, through the eyes of a dude who’s in one or more of them every night—that’s me, your boy Seven. This is my blog.
Let’s start with Cowboy. Soi Cowboy has undergone the most drastic transformation in the last few years, and if you know what’s been happening in the other redlights of late, that’s saying a lot. A decade ago, Cowboy was the busiest, most fun redlight, with hands-down the hottest girls in Bangkok—and not just a few, or even a normal amount, whatever that is. Cowboy was positively teeming with gorgeous girls. A cornucopia of comely clunge. A bastion of bewitching babes. A plethora of pretty pussycats. Flash forward to current year and the opposite is true. You’d struggle to find more than a few fetching femmes there today. Back in their heyday, Cowboy’s bars were the most expensive in the city. But it was worth it, on account of the aforementioned the hotties. Now however, the pretty girls are gone, yet the extortion-rate prices (for beers, barfines, and short-time) remain obscenely high. The only bars with reasonable prices are Dollhouse and Shark. That would make them the only Cowboy bar worth hitting, if it weren’t for the news that many out-of-work Patpong girls moved over to Rainbow (before anyone Tweets and asks “Why are Patpong girls out of work?” read my last 5 blogs).
Since I hadn’t been there in many weeks, I made a point of popping over to Cowboy to make sure my grim assessment remained accurate. Spoiler alert: it has.
On Friday, I swung into Cowboy at 19.45—way too early. Luckily, Dollhouse was already open so I opted for a 95b Chang draft and a gander at the stage. There were 3 fit girls. One was so hot I actually got a 2nd Chang just so I could watch her dance. Side note: Dollhouse has the best air-con of any gogo in BKK. From there I went to make my first visit to Rainbow—the bar that supposedly housed a handful of former Pong girls. They didn’t open at 20.00. In fact, it seemed like they open whenever the fuck they get round to it. At 20.05 nobody seemed fussed about turning on the music or getting onstage. I asked a girl when they open. She shrugged and said “Come back in 15 minutes.” So I wandered the soi like a lost puppy and on a whim stepped into Suzie Wong. There were 20 girls on the clock—18 chubsters and two fit ones. After one 170b SML I spun back to Rainbow in search of Patpong galpals. One girl shouted my name from her seat on the terrace, but I didn’t recognize her. As I made my way to an empty seat, a hostess tried to shove me out of the way in order to help three Japanese tourists take my spot. Three farang who weren’t sitting together wore sunglasses. I assumed they had the new Covid strain, the main symptom of which is conjunctivitis. The stage was rammed with 25 girls, plus two clusters of topless chicks in opposite corners of the gogo. I didn’t know a single one of them. A blonde shouted “Seven! I remember you at The Strip!” but I didn’t recognize her either, and bailed after one 165b Asahi. Despite not finding any of my friends, I can see the appeal of Rainbow. There are lots of girls all having fun. In less than 20 minutes, every seat in the joint was taken.
One thing I noted was the number of still-dark venues that never reopened after the plandemic. Large portions of the RLD remain closed. A couple have been replaced with large, inviting cannabis shops, and despite the shut bars, Soi Cowboy is still the most colorful of the 3 redlights, and on the surface appears to be the most fun. It’s fitting that “The Hangover Part 2” was filmed there because it looks like a movie set, or rather a façade of what some filmmaker might imagine a redlight district to look like. But it’s all just window dressing. The dearth of hot girls is real. And for some reason, there’s an inordinate number of losers trolling the soi. Moreso than Patpong or Nana, Cowboy seems to lure only a few gruff locals and a shitload of douchebags. I sat on the Dollhouse terrace and observed the tourists for about half an hour and was astounded. They were all (OK in the name of diplomacy I’ll say 99.99% were) total douchenozzles. What’s happening in the other 194 countries on this planet that so many of these dorks exist, and more importantly what’s the specific draw in Cowboy that attracts strictly douches? Is it the Hangover aspect? I guess it must be, because there aren’t nearly as many goobers in NanaP or Patpong. Speaking of Nana, I mototaxi’d there at 22.00
Nana Plaza should be the best redlight in Bangkok. They’re doing everything right, playing by the book, and hosting scores of sweaty sex tourists on a nightly basis. And if one were only looking at their profits, then Nana is number 1. They’re a money-generating juggernaut. But underneath their bottom line is a messy set of facts that betray a crucial truth. Namely that 22 out of 25 bars in Nana positively suck, and the dearth of hot girls is only concealed by the large number of doors one must walk through to finally conclude, “Hey. The chicks here are fucking ugly.” The exceptions to this rule are Billboard and Twister (and Spanky’s). Each has around 8 girls (4 for Spanky’s) on their teams who are positively fine.
I hit Nana at least twice a week these days, mainly because a bunch of my best buds from Patpong have moved over there. Most are concentrated in Twister, which makes it easy to see them all in one go, which is why I only hit Twister on Friday, after a quick plate of buffalo chicken tacos in Hooter’s. In fact, it didn’t even cross my mind to check out Billboard. I walked in already drunk as a skunk and stood staring at the stage. Within a minute I got 3 Line message from girls in the bar saying “I see you.” So I went to a corner and sat down. Oil, Puy, Nuchy, and Nat all came over, but Oil shooed them all away. In gogo culture, the girl who’s known the farang the longest gets priority, and I’ve known Oil since 2013. She had one tequila shot and then said, “I see another customer, I will go get a drink.” A decade ago that would’ve made me mad, because in my stupid youth (not to be confused wit my stupid old age) I was more possessive with the girls in the gogo. That is a recipe for disaster, because if you expect fidelity—even lady drink fidelity—from a gogo dancer, you will only ever be disappointed. These days I hold on with a loose grip, and let them go where they want when they want. There’s no other way to live this redlight life. Plus once she bailed, Nat came over and let me play with her boobs for half an hour. Twice, Oil came by to grab my junk and do a weird kind of dance. It reminded me how some multicolored birds dance to attract a mate. It seems that the jealousy thing works both ways. After spilling an entire bucket of popcorn on Nat, I realized I was too drunk and so beat a hasty retreat to Patpong, where my inebriation wouldn’t be a factor.
Pink Panther was full. I wandered in a circle looking for a seat, failed, and bailed. One minute later I got an angry text from a girl in there who insisted I come back and buy her a drink. I told her there was nowhere to sit. She replied with a sad face emoji. This has become a new routine for yours truly. The lifestyle was much easier when all my girls were spread out over a dozen locations. But now, the gogos that weren’t closed down by the cunting police are now so overloaded with Seven’s clunge consorts that I end up buying drinks for one or three girls, miss some, and get harangued later for neglecting them. But as Abraham Lincoln said, you can’t please all the poon all the time. But that didn’t stop me from trying. I went back t’Panther and found Best, Joy, and Sai sitting together at a table. They pulled up a chair for me and I hung with them for a bit. I even snapped a pic which will end up in this week’s YouTube slideshow (link below) and if you watch it, and if it looks like Best shows up in more than one gogo, it’s because I took her photo in Pink Panther and Twister last week. The girls are hard to pin down these days.
I lucked out in King’s 1 and got the last open seat. It’s the only gogo in Thailand where the hottie to nottie ratio is 1 to 2. It’s utterly astounding. Ice already had a customer but made a point to come say hi. Som and Woont joined me. These two were models for a few pieces in my “Patpong Dangerous” art exhibition in 2021. Back then, Woont was so hot it was hard to focus. In the last 3 years she’s been off the pole and apparently off of food, because she’s so skinny now she resembles a POW prison camp victim. Five years ago I tried and failed to get her in bed. Today I just want to give her a sandwich. But she also got fake tits so I bounced those around for a bit while also massaging Som’s cooter. There were at least a dozen hot girls on the K1 stage on Friday, making it far and away the most of any Bangkok gogo. One Chinese customer got so excited, he jumped onstage–a thing I absolutely hate. At least he had the sense to throw some 20s around.
From there I remember a blurry visit to Bada Bing. One of the girls came up behind me and provided a shoulder massage. I was to toasted I didn’t even look to see who it was. I just felt her big soft boobs leaning into the back of my head. Then I woke up in my bed on Saturday, unaware of how or when I got there. Overnight, Lalita (who was apparently in Bada Bing when I was there) sent me a bunch of selfies and videos. I’ll include a couple in today’s YouTube slideshow (link below) and make a compilation of the videos with clips from other girls to post later.
And so, I wound down Friday by hitting all three BK RLDs in a single night. I did it in order to bring you this report from on the ground (just kidding. I couldn’t give a shit about any of this). In summation, the current state of the redlight, at least for this tired titty tickler, is this: The only bars worth hitting in NanaP—out of 25—are Billboard and Twister (Spanky’s should also get an honorable mention). Billboard hosts an average of 7 fit girls on a night and the customers outnumber the dancers 8 to 1. Twister has around the same number of hotties but fewer customers. At Cowboy, it’s Dollhouse and Rainbow. Both have 3 or 4 lookers and get very crowded very early. In Patpong, it’s Pink Panther, King’s Corner, King’s Castle, 1, Bada Bing, and Radio City if there’s time. The hottie-to-chubster ratio is much better in these bars than anything you’ll find in the other two RLDs. It’s incredible that, in spite of all its recent misfortunes, Patpong still has more hotspots and hot girls.
In other news, the Patpong Mary Jane location is open and rolling, bringing the total number of Pong peeps selling cannabis to around 8,000. MJ has the advantage of a prime location: across from Pink Panther, next to Shenanigan’s and downstairs from the newly-opened Kamikaze club. Speaking of Shenanigan’s, I tried their cheesesteak sandwich last week, and while it bears no resemblance to a traditional American (Philly) cheesesteak, it was pretty damn good. And speaking of local fare and ‘damn good,’ G’s German now has Krombacher Dunkel on tap (250b for .5L) and holy shitballs, is it ever delicious.
In other other news, it’s a weird kind of compliment when other Bangkok bloggers—cunts who normally slag me off to anyone who’ll listen—read my posts and then repeat the content in their blogs as if they got the info first-hand. Sure, they then add their own stupid horse shit to it, but damn friends, I’m flattered that they copy my work. Then again, I guess they have to. No one else is living the relight life like this old junkyard dog. And I’ll bet 100 baht that some fucking idiot who I’m not referring to will take personal offense at that statement. Because there ain’t no cunt like a BK blogger cunt cuz the BK blogger cunts don’t stop…cunting. I know because I am one.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Check back next Sunday for another summary of red-light events. In the meantime, you can read more about Bangkok life on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/
Photos of everything in this blog can be found in the YouTube slideshow companion for this post at
https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
If you’re in a generous mood, you can donate anytime at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bangkok7
Follow me on Twitter @BangkokSeven for daily pics from the redlight, and until next time, keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.
Pro Tip Post-Script: Not all Asian countries are created equal. To a farang’s untrained eye, it might be hard to tell the difference between a Japanese tourist and a Chinese one, especially along the dark alleys of the Bangkok redlight. But sometimes they give themselves away. For example, a Chinese tourist would have no qualms about closing one nostril and blowing a huge chunk of snot out the other onto the pavement a mere two steps away from the door of a gogo. A Japanese tourist would never, ever do that. So if you can’t tell at a glance, just wait for a social cue. And I’m not saying one country’s tourist is better than another. They’re just………………different.
