‘Sup everyone, happy Sunday (if you’re reading this at the time of posting). How’s life? If you’re an expat in Bangkok like me, I assume things are awesome with you, since life here is a dream from which no one wants to awaken.
Per usual, I spent seven straight nights in Patpong. I’d planned to hit both Nana and Cowboy this weekend but on Friday my harem girl showed up 90 minutes late because she’s afraid to take the skytrain and traffic was a bitch, so I only got over to Nana for a few hours on Saturday. I’ll try for Cowboy this week. The nutshell report is, tourism (and the Thai economy) continues to steadily increase. I’d roughly guestimate the redlights to be at around 60 to 70% capacity, so there’s still a way to go before things are back to “normal.” Bangkok hasn’t “bounced back” yet—I’d call it a short-hop. It’s better than nothing, and the crowds are an encouraging sign. I continue to be amazed by the number of families trawling the adult entertainment zones. Why white parents feel the need to drag their pre-adolescent kids past the bdsm dungeon is beyond me, but they keep doing it. I’m also surprised to see throngs of frat guys and sorority girls moving in herds through the redlights. They’re clearly not lost, so something in the gogo bars has piqued their curiosity. It has me befuddled.
Speaking of tourists, I sped through MBK on the weekend, and holy moly are the tourists ever back in the malls. MBK is back to pre-Covid normal. I was there to buy a new backpack and a flexible selfie stick. The girl in the shop asked me why I wanted one, which I found weird. “You put in your car?” she asked. I didn’t want to tell her that I’m going to clamp it to my headboard and record harem girls pummeling themselves with a vibrator, so I said, “I will make a podcast.” ‘Twasn’t a total lie.
I left the mall at 13.45 and hurried to Sunrise Tacos for a margarita. I arrived at 13.53 and the staff had a debate about whether they could serve me (there’s a law against selling booze between 14.00 and 17.00 in Thailand). They decided it’d be OK if I sat in the corner and they poured the ‘rita into a water glass. The upside of the glass is, it holds double the liquid of the traditional ‘rita glass. The downside is, the bartender didn’t get the portions right, and it tasted like ass. Though it did get me drunk after three sips, so swings and roundabouts.
Another nail in the coffin of global medical tyranny is the return of the salsa bar at Sunrise. Avocado salsa isn’t back yet, thanks to inflation and supply chain snags, but they have some new flavors, one of which—“roasted red”—is the hottest salsa I’ve ever had in Thailand.
At the table next to mine, a Thai couple was on a date. They sat next to each other instead of across from one another—a common sight on this continent, but a weird flex in the eyes of Westerners. Speaking of tables, mine had an advert for 2-for-1 Omni dishes. Omni is a plant-based meat substitute, and spoiler alert, it ain’t selling. When the Great Reset New World Order police state finally rolls out in Thailand, the people will capitulate without making a fuss. They’ll eat ze bugs, learn to live without A/C, and help ship the farang off to camps. But for now, while the option to eat meat remains, that’s what they’ll choose. The plant-based shit peddlers will have to wait.
Patpong has a new middle-aged Thai freelancer, the lone competition for the portly African lady who’s practically a Pong institution by now. She (the new gal) is there at all hours of the day and night, tugging at elbows and being a general nuisance. Patpong local musician Joe Delaney is midway through refurbishing Tavern Two on Soi 2 into a live music bar. His tentative plan is to open in early November.
The Pong is getting expensive—at least, for this worn-out monger—mostly because the girls in Black Pagoda, XXX Lounge, Bada Bing, and The Strip have grown accustomed to me buying them dinner every night. Somtam for the first three gogos and hot-pot for mamasan Anna and the girls of The Strip. Last week, a Thai guy selling whole live crabs trundled nightly down Soi 2. Several girls tried to goad me into buying some—400 baht a pop. I said no, and got them fried pork and Foodland beers instead. These days I spend more on the girls’ food and booze than I do on myself. I’m even feeding the cats now. One night last week I was chomping on some paprika sausage outside XXX and looked down to find a cat staring up at me. I gave her a piece of sausage (I assume it was a “her” since she was in Patpong and expected me to feed her). She wolfed it down, so I dipped into Foodland for a can of cat food, which she also voraciously consumed. From that night on, she posted up under my stool and stayed there.
By 10 pm, the entire length of Soi 2 reeks of ganja. Everyone is stoned except the tourists, who for the most part regard the cannabis shops with caution.
The drink specials this month are: 65b Leo drafts at XXX and 90b Leo bottles at Black Pagoda. This month’s parties are: Playboy model Bella Smiles will be on hand in Black Pagoda on 10 Sept, along with a bunny party (obviously) and Aug 23-24, a “sexy vampires” party. XXX Lounge’s parties are “white nights” on the 9th-10th and “boot camp” soldier cosplay on the 23rd-24th. The Strip’s singular party is another Candyland motif on the 30th-1st. At BarBar there’s a shibari bondage class on the 10th and a meet-and-greet the mistresses on the 29th-30th.
In other random news, after drinking black Russians in the gogos for three straight weeks, I’ve depleted the supply of Kahlua in Patpong. Out of desperation I temporarily switched to Jim Beam and Coke, bringing back memories of College party binges in L.A. and Santa Barbara in the 90s.
Saturday’s visit to Nana went as expected. I showed up famished and was faced again with the choice between eating the same thing at Stumble Inn or Blarney Stone, hitting The Game where I’d inevitably be accosted by drunk, annoying expats, or trying something new for five times the cost at Hooter’s. I opted for Hooter’s’ buffalo chicken tacos and a margarita—my 2nd of the day. Both the tacos and the ‘rita were terrific, and for 586 all-in, I wasn’t too disappointed. I munched on the tacos whilst perusing the crowds of freelancers in the Nana Hotel car park. There were a couple of 8s among them. They were deaf, which some guys are put off by but not this equal opportunity whoremaster. Plus, I’m also disabled. I’m cursed by God to fail at everything I try in life. My only win was relocating to Thailand. Not sure why The Man Upstairs even let it happen. Maybe He, like my friends and family, didn’t think I’d actually do it. Joke’s on Him.
Also in the Nana Hotel car park: a new cannabis shop. Along with the one just around the corner on Sukhumvit, the punters on Soi 4 are sufficiently supplied with ganja.
I hit Random 1 first for a 140b SML and a gander at a perfect 9 onstage. I folded a 20b bill under each titty and stuffed one down the front of her bikini. She seemed tickled. Then it was on to Billboard. Once again, they had a 10-girl (literal) rotation on the carousel and six topless chickies in the bath. 160b SMLs. A guy in a Yankees cap was chatting up a gogo dancer, shouting above the music about his career in logistics. The girl clearly didn’t understand a word he was saying. That doesn’t work in this hemisphere, buddy. Even if she could comprehend your schtick, she wouldn’t give a shit.
Butterflies is owned by the folks who run Billboard so the motifs are similar. 160b SMLs, 10 girls spread over two stages plus eight topless ones in the bath. The sheer numbers of girls in Nana’s megagogos is overwhelming but in truth, you can count the hotties on one hand. Nana is a sensory spectacle to the untrained monger. The nearly two dozen bars, the lights, the throngs of girls can seem like a sex circus. But the reality is, there are only around 5 bars worth visiting. The rest are window dressing. It’s impossible to hit every gogo on a night, so really Nana is just Billboard, Butterflies, Random 1, and Twister. I ended my Nana visit in the latter, where I was surprised to see some familiar faces. Best, Bum, and Pui—all former Electric Blue Patpong dancers—dance at Twister now. 160b SMLs.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Check back next Sunday for another summary of red-light events. In the meantime, you can read more about Bangkok life on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/
A slide show companion for this post can be found at https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
Follow me on Twitter @BangkokSeven for daily pics from the redlight. Follow King’s Castle’s Twitter @SPatpong, and until next time, keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.
