What’s up mingemongers and moneyhoneys, my name’s Seven and this is what I found in my phone’s notepad at the end of the week…
In truth, I found nothing. Sometimes I get so caught up in living life that I forget to write it down. But here’s what I scratched from my vodka-addled memory…
I’m not even halfway through my brother’s chunky bar girl holiday, so it’s been seven days of limbo, where I wait to see what disaster he steps in so I can fix it. Thankfully he’s taken to harem life quite readily, with three in rotation and a constantly scanning eye for more. He’s realized that the one on Soi 6 knows his every move when there. She spots him from 300 yards away, so he can’t scoop up anyone else. This has him asking to scour the slimier backroads like Soi 13. So far I’ve convinced him there are better hunting grounds. Early in the week, I took him to Soi Pothole because the one and only time I’d been there I noticed an abundance of chubs. Sure enough, he found one and barfined her before finishing his beer. I got him a Bolt taxi, and the second they were off I slid round to LK. On the way there, I passed by the two hotties whom I’d determined to conc up before going home for Christmas. They were both engaged with customers. In fact, every night last week I spotted them with customers. This is the downside of only chasing superhot bar girls. The fact is, everyone else is also chasing them. It soured my imagination for both.
On another evening, my bro had one of his regular chunks over, so I was free to be free. Out of nowhere, a gal who hadn’t messaged since November suddenly sent a Line asking to come by. This is a chick whom I never conc’d up, because she didn’t look all that great to me in her bar girl cosplay outfits. Each time I’d seen her at work, at drunken glance, she didn’t seem that hot. Boy howdy, was I ever wrong. She’s one of those rare chicks who actually looks better in street clothes than a French maid outfit. I consented to have her over, and she showed up in jeans and a t-shirt looking so freaking hot I nearly fell over. And when she took her clothes off, that body was nearly perfect. I’d score it a 9.5. How I could’ve initially been so wrong about her hotness, I can’t divine. Needless to say, she’s my new number one, and just like that my Ptown conc conundrum has been solved. At my age, in the twilight of my mongering years, one’s enough…especially since four randy harlots await a monthly visit back in BKK.
One day last week, I got out late for my walk. ‘Twas around 11 am. Tourist traffic was up 500%. I passed a farang in jeans and a jumper, passed-out on the pavement. 60something farang in droves crammed the bars opposite Buakhao Market. Both men and women. I got the impression they were all Dutch for some reason. It looked like a discount retirement community.
Every currency exchange kiosk had a queue. These goddam cunts are like roaches infesting a garbage dumpster. The Beach Road freelancers are gone by 11, save for two or three stalwarts. Their numbers were replenished with beggars.
Buakhao from South Pattaya Road to Lengkhee is as busy at midday as Camden in the spring. The afternoon delight crowd was out and searching at 13.00. Wrinkly old couples flooded the outdoor markets, and fat shirtless farts were already three beers deep in every open bar. I had the urge to go round kicking every bare-chested douche in the abdomen as punishment for not covering up.
On Friday my bro and I hit up Babylon at 15.00. It was my first time, and it was quite a show. The place was already rammed with dudes that early in the day. They outnumbered the girls 2 to 1, and while the latter were mostly chubbed, a couple rough diamonds sat with customers who planted kisses on them and stroked their asses with the kind of appreciation only an old monger can show. Three seconds after sitting down, a very naughty 30something vixen stuck her hand down the front of my shorts. I quickly passed her on to my sib. She locked onto his wang like debris after a shipwreck. After 10 minutes of relentless jacking, I finally tipped her a hundy to go away. She walked around the table and immediately started blowing the guy across from us while he chatted with his buddy, and we tried to pretend it wasn’t happening. I get that there are dudes who’re so nonchalant about sex that they can nut in a girl’s mouth while chatting up their mate who’s sitting inches away. This old warhorse ain’t built like that. And I say, to each his own. But let it be known, the chicks in Babylon want sex and they want it now. We hurried to finish our drinks and get the fuck outta there.
Then we pushed on to The 6 where my bro was engaged with his regular conc and I slipped to a nearby bar and met a new gal (well, new to me) named Kwan, 20 yo from Khon Kaen. She was a lovely little thing with a sharp sense of humor and an ass like an apple.
Then I stumbled upon an old regular bj girl—Tan—and we shared a drink while she dutifully played with my balls for 20 minutes. A shriveled old man who’d clearly discovered Thailand late in life walked up the soi putting 20s in every bra he saw. He stopped in where I was getting a groin massage and had a ball, kissing chicks and licking tits until his wad of greens ran out.
The migration habits of hot bar girls should be studied by scientists. Two bars on the 6— Sweet Bar and Miso Bar—had contingent of ridiculously hot babes as recently as 4 months ago. Today, they’re completely gone. Where did they go? And why? And why didn’t someone tag them like sharks in the ocean? I want to start a bar girl-tracking nonprofit to track them. I’d kill to know where some of those sex bombs landed.
My bro hates Walking Street because gogo bars rub him the wrong way, but we managed to hit it one night. After watermelon shots in the Ice Bar we ambled up to Electric Blue, mainly because I knew there’d be blubber for him there. He found a behemoth to fondle, and shockingly I came across a petite skinny to bounce on one knee. Then we paraded through a few of the Pin-up Cartel’s bars just to get an eyeful. My sib wasn’t impressed but I enjoyed the view per usual. Everywhere we went, bar staff asked after my brother. They refused to believe we’re related, since we look nothing alike.
Saturday was another fucking Thai election, and locals know what that means. No booze. Soi 6 was shut, which was good for my bro because his rotund bar girl was free all day. We schlepped out early to the Hard Rock for the breakfast buffet. The staff were shocked when we said we weren’t guests of the hotel and charged us 600b apiece. But I’d get a 10% discount if I downloaded the app. After an hour of trying and failing to sign in, I gave up. The joint was rammed with kids, all screeching like banshees. I had to share the omelet queue with stuck-up Eurodouche, so I made them feel stupid by chatting up the chefs in Thai. There’s a palpable switch that takes place when a farang speaks Thai to Thais. The electrical charge changes, and all cunts who can’t understand the conversation are instantly made to look “less.” I love to do it, and do it to tourists as often as I’m able.
Saturday took the same route home at 10.30 and the morning delight crowd was rolling. There are fewer of them but the whores are twice as aggressive.
In other news, after being bombarded by Minneapolis businesses a thousand times in my Facebook feed last week, the number jumped to over two thousand this week. I spend hours every day blocking motherfucking Minnesota people and groups. I live in fucking Thailand, why is this shit in my feed?
For any old Members who miss my photo albums, or for anyone wanting an eyeful of redlight content, it’s been brought to my attention that the link to Members Only Content on my homepage is broken. Bear with me while I try to fix it, though fair warning—I’m internet retarded, so it might take a while.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Sorry for all the typos. I didn’t proofread. Check back next Sunday for another summary of this redlight life. In the meantime, you can read more Bangkok-centric stuff on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/ and I promise to post new stuff over there soon.
Slideshows from previous blogs and the redlight scene going back several years can be found at https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
My buddy Jack and I host a growing Facebook community with lots of nightlife-related content at: https://www.facebook.com/groups/thaiagogo
and I’ve got a small but robust group of pervs posting photos daily at a group called Super Hot Asians here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/374120690195407
Follow me on Twitter/X @BangkokSeven for daily monger material, along with these other profiles that’re chock full of photos of hotties:
@superhotthais
@BangkokNightli2
If you’re feeling generous, you can leave a tip on any of the above X profiles. All proceeds will go to creating more redlight content.
And until next time fellow beach Bukowskis and Bathshebas, keep your balls (or tits) warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.
Pro Tip Post-Script: Last week, a girl I grew up with—my neighbor since I was four, who babysat me and played Superfriends after school—died suddenly and tragically by slipping on her backyard steps and cracking her head open. She worked as an HR rep for a winery in Sonoma. Her life was charmed, to say the least. Her sudden, violent yet accidental end should serve as a reminder that this beautiful journey we call life will end, most likely terribly. So savor every moment, reader. Appreciate every single second above ground. Because the inevitable awaits us all, and no one knows when the hammer will fall.
