How’s it hangin’ reader, my name’s Seven and this is my blog.
Patpong sucks ass now.
After surviving the scamdemic and bouncing back in grand fashion with a remnant of its previous glory finally restored, the trajectory of Bangkok’s oldest redlight was snuffed out in a day when the three best gogos were shut by police, for the crime of being owned by the same company that ran a bar in Phuket whose staff broke the law. It turns out the news reports were partially true. Unbeknownst to the bar’s farang owners, evil unscrupulous employees imprisoned children and trafficked them as sex slaves for the sick gratification of pedophile tourists who should be buried under a prison. The key phrase in that statement is “unbeknownst to the bar’s farang owners.” Instead of punishing the guilty (they let the mamasans go!!!), authoritarians—I mean, “authorities” crushed the company owner—who had no idea what was going on in Phuket—along with all the innocent Patpong dancers, bar staff, and punters, as well as every other Thai who earns a living in Patpong, down to the little old lady selling somtam on the curb. Justice would be to seek out and convict the guilty, not mold a tale to frame the innocent. What’s the Thai word for “fall guy”? “Or scapegoat”?
The Night Market’s food court halved overnight, as did the foot traffic. The gogos that remain are effectively on the chopping block as they strain to retain a faithful customer base. But what made the Pong so appealing—besides the sense of belonging and the personability of the dancers—was the variety of vibes in the various venues. XXX Lounge was nothing like The Strip, which was nothing like Bada Bing or King’s Castle. Now, a punter’s preference is limited to all 3 King’s locations (which are basically copies of each other with different faces), Pink Panther, and Bing. Yawn! I can’t see the redlight surviving on such slim pickings.
For a decade, I was the Pong’s chief optimist and number one cheerleader. That all changed in the blink of an eye. At long last, like a broken clock, after falsely decrying the death of the Pong for decades, the old-guard shitty Bangkok cunt bloggers are finally right. The Pong is dead. The cops killed it.
So the question now is, to where should a monger relocate?
Just after the Covid lockdowns, when the Pong returned without Superstar, Thigh Bar, Kiss Bar, and Glamour, my working theory was that the RLD needed to replace at least 2 of those to sustain itself. At that time, there were 8—The Strip, XXX Lounge, Bada Bing, Radio City, Black Pagoda, King’s Castle, King’s Corner, and Pink Panther. Now that the total is 5 (and I hear you locals saying, Don’t you mean 6, Seven? No. Because for the past week, Radio City has been closed due to lack of girls. It seems their decision last month to fire their veterans has already reared back to ream them in the rump), I find I’m stuck hitting the same bars multiple times on a night, a practice both boring and redundant (bordundant for short, copyright BKK7). I can’t go to Bada Bing because there’s a staffer in there who hounds me for drinks. I can’t go to the newly-reopened King’s 2 because it’s now home to a rotund baboon who harassed me all over the soi for the past 6 months. Also, the entire staff hassle me for drinks and dinner money. So now I can only hit Panther, K Corner, and K Castle 1. Three gogos ain’t enough. It’s the same number as NanaP, where in all that space, the only bars that don’t suck are Twister, Billboard, and Butterflies. It’s shameful how bad the bars are in Nana. And yet, both of those RLDs beat Soi Cowboy, where there are only two tolerable joints—Dollhouse and Baccara. I guess the only thing to do is hit Nana and Pong on a night, with that harrowing mototaxi ride in between.
The past few nights, I did just that, walking from my apartment t’Pong, scooting into Panther first to carouse with Beem (formerly of The Strip), Best (formerly of Black Pagoda), Sai from Kiss Bar, and Nat (previously at Glamour), plus a dozen other outcasts from the newly-shut bars. It’s a crowded-ass party in there now, and the girls bring the kind of “hang-with-friends” feel that’s made Patpong so special for decades. NanaP is strictly corporate—cold, even. Cowboy is a shameless money-grab. But the Pong has always made a monger feel welcome. It’s what I’ll miss the most after it’s gone.
Finding the Pong’s girls is as easy as shooting each one a Line message to ask where they landed. Pon, Earn, Beer, Ice, Ooh, and Taitle divide their time between King’s 1 and K Corner, so I bounced between them and spread the tips around. On the whole, the girls seem to’ve survived the abrupt shakeup. They’ve become a bit more crotch-grabby for some reason, a thing they haven’t done to me in years. I’ve no theory on why.
After 90 mins in the Pong I hopped a motorbike to Soi Nana and made a beeline for Twister, where for three nights in a row, Nuchy and Pui were drunk by 20.00, which meant they were an absolute blast. Pui practically molested me. Nuchy kept trying to kiss my ugly mug—a practice I’ve foregone since moving here. But they were OK with my boob-jiggling and cooter-grabbing so I feel like it was an even trade. Once I’ve accurately mapped where my fave dancers have relocated, I can sketch out a plan for seeing them all…though I heard a rumor that some went to Rainbow on Soi Cowboy. Fuck that noise, I ain’t hitting up 3 RLDs per night. I can maybe muster up the energy to visit Cowboy once a week. More reconnaissance is required.
If I felt like being optimistic, I could say something like, a wealthy and savvy redlight tycoon might potentially swoop in and buy up Glamour, Pagoda, XXX, and The Strip. In that event, the Pong would rise like a phoenix to rule the city’s nightlife scene. It’s not realistic. Still, one can dream.
In the meantime, though, this old lounge lizard needs to face facts: the glory days of the BKK redlight appear to be waning. Cowboy is a parody of itself. The smoking hot perfect 10s that littered the soi a decade ago are gone, replaced by gelatinous gargoyles. Yet the extortion-level prices remain. NanaP is a zombie redlight. It sputters along on a reputation that’s long past accurate, with barely enough hot girls to fill a fraction of its bars. There are more hotties crammed into Patpong—an RLD with a tenth as many venues as Nana. And the days are numbered for those bars. It’s a far-fetched stretch to envision the Pong surviving long on 4 gay bars, 5 gogos, a night market, 2 pubs, and a handful of beer bars. It might limp along for another year or so, but I can’t imagine future tourists going out of their way to visit. Not in its current incarnation. I’ll keep Ponging until the last gogo closes, or until my imaginary redlight benefactor appears and saves it from certain demise. Apart from that, who knows? Maybe Pnom Penh will be worth a look.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Check back next Sunday for another summary of red-light events. In the meantime, you can read more about Bangkok life on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/
There’s no photo slideshow this week as I’ve been stuck in Pattaya with my little brother. But you can watch old footage on my YouTube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
If you’re in a generous mood, you can donate anytime at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/bangkok7
Follow me on Twitter @BangkokSeven for daily pics from the redlight, and until next time, keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.
Pro Tip Post-Script: Grab taxis don’t pick people up during Songkran. Not in Pattaya, at least.
