Well, we made it, reader. The end of the end of the pandemic is here. Sure, people will still catch Omicron in 2023, but the lockdowns, travel bans, closures, govt tyranny, and terrorizing of the public are in the past (except in Canada, Australia, New Zealand, China, and Europe). At least until 2024 when the next virus will “accidentally” escape from a bio-weapons lab. So before we dive into what is likely our last year of peace and freedom, let’s take a final glance back as the year that was…that was what? Half lockdown, half crazy party, I guess.
For any tourists or folks not living in Thailand at the start of 2022, the year kicked off with a whimper. The tyrannical govt still had all entertainment zones on strict lockdown, and people couldn’t even drink booze in restaurants, because in the brainless superstitious moronic thinking of the govt, alcohol magically spread Covid. Not kidding, the greatest country on Earth is run by complete knuckleheads.
In spite of the police state, some venues found ways around the oppression. Joints like XXX Lounge complied with the utterly insane rules, eg “You can open but you can’t play music…and the girls can’t dance…and they have to wear cocktail dresses…and you have to wrap the gogo stage in a giant blanket.” Not kidding, those fucking asinine mandates actually happened. And that weird, subdued setting remained until the sudden, shocking reversal of all rules during the summer, when the govt didn’t just end the travel ban, booze ban, and nightlife restrictions, they inexplicably decriminalized ganja, proving even a retarded clock can be right once a year.
From Jan to June, I haunted the sois of Patpong in near solitude. Silom was like a scene out of a post-apocalyptic movie. ‘Twas a ghost town. Most of the gogos stayed shuttered. Only a couple brave souls had the balls to open, XXX Lounge among them. The dedicated ladies in there kept me sane, and I funded their rent until the govt reopened the flood gates. Patpong survived, though admittedly with losses. Several doors remain closed, including 3 gogo bars and most of Soi 1. Superstar and Kiss Bar have shuttered permanently, along with Safari and Madrid. At time of posting, a few luggage and souvenir shops are open, plus 3 ping pong shows, Tip-Top billiards, both King’s Group gogos, and The Derby King. But the overall Pong prognosis (Pongnosis for short, copyright BKK7) is good.
The same can’t be said for Soi Cowboy. Although only a few bars remained closed after summer, the entire redlight is suffering from a dearth of good-looking girls. It used to be that Cowboy had the hottest chicks in BKK. But the hotties go where the money is, and there’s still no money in Cowboy. There are lots of lookieloos but few actual punters, probably because some bars are still charging the same outrageous prices as when their girls were hot. Only Dollhouse has the wisdom to offer happy hour prices.
Nana Plaza rules the redlights, at least when it comes to foot traffic and booze revenue. But they also have precious few hot chicks. Only 4 or 5 gogos are home to pretty girls. That said, recent redlight customers seem less-concerned with how the girls look, and show general enthusiasm for anything with a bikini and a heartbeat. And who can blame them, after being locked in their respective basements for two years?
With the sudden presence of cannabis on the streets of Bangkok, the city is poised to once again be the most traveled-to place on Earth. This was less a stroke of genius by the country’s leadership than a mistake in wording on an official document that then got signed without being proofread. Nevertheless, it’s a huge win for the Thai people, who will reap the economic benefits from here onward.
Getting back to Nana, a cluster of some of the best girls in Patpong made the switch to Twister, forcing this old Pong rat to divide his time between the two RLDs. The change of scenery has been nice, though as someone who prefers pretty girls, there’s not much to look at in the Plaza. The best bars are Twister, Spanky’s, Rainbow 5, and Billboard, the latter being the busiest of all Bangkok gogos thanks to their bevy of buxom belles. Personally, I’m not into girls over 30.
The best-looking Bangkok gogo dancers can be found in Patpong. They’re spread out among XXX Lounge, Bada Bing, King’s Castle, King’s Corner, and Pink Panther. Hopefully the revenue generated by December’s explosion of tourism will lead to the opening of a couple more (rumors abound of Twister starting a location onPong) in the coming months. The Pong’s non-gogo business are going strong. French Kiss bistro is busy nightly, and Shenanigan’s is a monster magnet for vanilla tourists. A new live music bar called Delaney’s has opened, offering different shows throughout the week from reggae to jazz to traditional Irish tunes. It’s easily the hippest new joint in that part of town. Also, the Night Market is (mostly) back, and while various food truck vendors can’t seem to stick around long enough to catch on, it’s only a matter of time before that ecosystem re-finds and redefines itself going forward.
And so, going into 2023, the redlight juggernaut is NanaP. Soi Cowboy languishes, and Patpong survives.
Of course, this pudgy punter spent New Year’s onPong. It marked the 10th December 31st in a row that I’ve rung in the new year in that old redlight, and if luck holds, I’ll spend the next 10 there, as well. Lots of girls were MIA on the night. They were off having their own NYE parties. XXX Lounge provided free bbq and half their dancer staff. Ping Panther had two rotations of 12 and a free food spread for the girls. For once, the customers in King’s Castle outnumbered the girls. Every seat was taken, but dudes had to fight over around 15 bikini-clad chicks. The previous night, King’s was so crazy that I couldn’t even order a beer. This time I got the order in but it took 10 minutes for the SML to arrive. King’s Corner had double the number of pole kitties.
Bada Bing was quiet, with only 9 or so girls. One of them asked, “Seven…New Year where you go?” I glanced at my phone. It was 22.40. I tried to tell her that after 7 cocktails I’d be lucky to pull myself out of the chair but she didn’t understand. I did manage to hit Black Pagoda before midnight. BP had a bunch of farang couples plus a few solo punters and one-week millionaires. Club Black had a DJ spinning mp3s and a 300b entry fee. ‘Twas thick with white folks, lasers, and ganja smoke. A Pagoda girl cornered me and said, “Seven I know you five year already but you never say hello to me.” I wanted to tell her every chick that isn’t in my harem is invisible to me, but instead I pretended not to understand what she was saying.
The New Year’s gogo experience has changed a lot, thanks mainly to Covid. What used to be a crazybusy party with all my favorite girls is now a place where dudes crowd in and try to corral a few girls to sit with when the clock strikes 00.00. And I suppose I did the same, years ago. In 2020 and 2021, it was just me, a couple other locals, and a ton of chicks. Last night the bars were full of revenge tourists trying to make up for two lost, lonely, locked-down years. One dude in XXX had two girls on his lap, his left hand grabbing the clunge of another, and his right hand cupping the ass of yet another. That was me in 2015, so I’m not criticizing. I admire anyone who responded to Covid by jumping on the first available plane and heading out to live their life.
At 23.50 a couple of old punters from the Electric Blue days staggered in to XXX, clearly searching for something nostalgic that’s no longer there, and quickly staggered back out. I popped over to King’s Corner just in time for the countdown. The place went batshit. I took a bit of video and will post it later today, probably to Twitter @BangkokSeven. After midnight, I had one last drink in Radio City. The bartender there told me earlier in the week that he had a New Year’s gift for me. It turned out to be a blanket. Weirdly, one of my harem girls gave me a blanket just a couple days earlier. Is that the traditional New Year’s gift? I sleep naked without even a sheet over me, so blankets are just going to take up closet space. But he also gave me a free tequila shot that went down like a lead balloon after 10 drinks, and I went home properly pickled. Later today I have my last holiday buffet of the season. I’ll post a rundown of all of them later over on Substack.
In a never-ending series of reminders that the world is full of stupid people, a random dude on Twitter took the time to play literary critic and shit on my recent repost about Bangkok bachelorhood. “Why would anyone want to read this crap?” he asked, and then told me to seek therapy. And so, I took his advice, got professional help, and now lead a simple, boring, mainstream life. And so I’ll be shutting down this blog, as I won’t have anything to write about.
Nah, just kidding. The last thing I would or could ever become is a normie. The stupid cunt missed the point that I’m quite happy in my debauchery. The post (penned years ago) was an attempt to accept my dysfunction while not denigrating those who’ve found happiness in monogamy. It was a response to several people’s persistent insistence (persisinstence for short, copyright BKK7) that I stop mongering and settle down. The Twitter twat (Twatter for short) 1—didn’t like the post and 2—thought I’d care about his retarded opinion. The devastation that govt schooling has wreaked on two generations of humans is mind-blowing. Imagine telling Bukowski (I know I’m not even in the same galaxy, talent-wise) to shut up and get therapy. But that’s Millennials for you. Preachy, entitled, and stupid. And here’s more bad news, reader: None of the next several generations will be any smarter. The whole world is in a death spiral into terminal fucktardation.
Speaking of, I can’t decide if my New Year’s resolution should be to be kinder or harsher to brain-dead idiots on the Internet.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Here’s hoping 2023 is all you wish it to be and more. And more importantly, if you’re not lucky enough to be here already, may you find your way to Thailand–the greatest country on Earth.
Check back next Sunday for another summary of red-light events. In the meantime, you can read more about Bangkok life on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/
Redlight videos and slide shows, including a year-end video montage of Patpong, can be found at https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
Pro Tip Post-Script: Unless and until a more progressive leader takes charge in Thailand and rescinds the tariffs on wine imports, avoid expensive hotel “wine tastings.” I foolishly attended one last week where the choices were one sangiovese, one chianti, 5 varietals from Monsoon vineyard in Hua Hin, Berenger, Penfolds, and Lindeman’s. The latter three sell for under $10 a bottle in California. It’s shameful that Thailand is forced to drink dross simply because their leaders employ the cut-off-nose-to-spite-face strategy of governing.
