Well the year is winding down, reader, and if you spent it in TLOS, yours was likely only slightly less awesome than usual. From January to June, the travel ban remained in place and several fave eateries and gogo bars were shut. Then midway through the year, Thailand did a one-eighty, opening the airports and decriminalizing ganja, transforming the country back into a holiday hotspot with a sea of tourism, the tide of which continues to rise.
I spent the week as normal, fielding harem girls in the early evenings before hitting the redlight most nights. On Sunday afternoon, there were no open seats at Shenanigan’s so I wandered down Silom Road, following my nose to Silom Edge and into their food court. I was about to leave disappointed when I happened upon an advert for a joint on the 9th floor called Hyde & Seek. Imagine my surprise when I exited the lift, took two lefts, and found myself in a sweet oasis with a gorgeous view of Lumpini Park. I was so excited that I went a little crazy, ordering salt-pepper shrimp, fried chicken oysters, and chocolate braised short ribs (photos available via a YouTube slideshow, link below). The shrimps arrived still in the shell with head, tail, and legs attached. After trying to pull the meat from the exoskeleton a few times and failing, I gave up on the plate. When the manager saw I didn’t eat them, she said they’re meant to be chomped-down whole—shells and all. I said I’m too farang to do that, and she offered to have the chef shuck ‘em for me, which I declined. Instead, I ordered a mushroom pizza. The oysters, ribs, and pizza were utterly fantastic. I had a glass of pinot grigio with the seafood and two glasses of cab with the ribs and pizza. The red complemented both perfectly, especially the chocolate-painted (it really was like a work of art) pork. And it all went down with a view of the park and the slow rhythmic flow of surrounding traffic. The whole experience was euphoric—right up until the bill came. It ain’t cheap, but in a place like this, you’re really paying for the view.
From there I popped down t’Pong and had an early Guinness pint in Delaney’s. ‘Twas a steal at 170b (Update: this price was a misprint. 24 hours later, the price was updated to 280b). Just outside the yellow door, a crew were working on what will eventually be an outdoor annex bar, complete with snacks (Drunk Man burritos, pizza, and sandwiches) as well as booze. After pinballing around to Pink Panther, XXX, Bada Bing, and King’s, I swung by the aluminum caravan hocking beer in the Night Market. Their taps were empty but they had a couple Thai craft cans. I had a wheat-style brew, which went down plenty smooth. (Update: the beer caravan disappeared by the end of the week) Then I called it a night and slunk home early.
On Monday, none of my hot galpals came to work at XXX Lounge, and I’m not gonna lie, it upset me a little bit. Out of morbid curiosity, I then went to every other gogo in Patpong (except the one where a psychotic hag will attack me—I steered clear of that one) to count the Monday hotties in each bar. Here’s the breakdown of each location and the number of lookers therein: XXX—1. King’s Castle—3. King’s Corner—2. Black Pagoda—0. Pink Panther—4. Bada Bing—2. Radio City, who won last Monday as well (throwback to last week’s post), won again with 6. I’m not sure how or why RC has such a good lineup on this day of the week. I only wish it was consistent over the other six days.
On Tuesday I ducked out of work early and was in Roadhouse for a late lunch. Per usual, I stared at their giant Ten Commandments-style slab of a menu, my mind whirling, unable to choose an item. I settled on the Philly cheesesteak. When the basket o’ condiments arrived, I was saddened to see no bbq sauce, but in the end it wasn’t necessary. The steak was lovingly-prepared, smothered in cheese, and delicious—served on a soft bun, which was a surprise, but still very tasty. The soft bread actually accentuated the other flavors.
Then it was on to Delaney’s because 1—‘twas too early for gogos and 2—they got some new Belgian bottles in. I tried Babylone (220b), a beer brewed from recycled bread by the Belgian Beer Project. And goddam if it didn’t taste like drinking a slice of bread. Rye, to be exact. I give it a thumbs-up. Then I ordered a bottle of Nord Bliss (also 220b, also made by BBP), an IPA made from a Norwegian yeast strain. ‘Twas fresh, bitter, and sour, with hints of citrus and a finish similar to champagne.
From Big D’s I hit King’s Castle, XXX, Black Pagoda, and Pink Panther. Everywhere was business as usual except in the Panther, which hosted 30 girls—on an effing Tuesday. Remarkable it was, and reminiscent of pre-lockdown times.
On Wednesday, my harem girl stayed late and so prevented me from going out.
On Thursday, the night market looked much healthier. It’s building back slowly and showing promise. These days, the Pong sois are rife with the recalcitrant reek of reefer, from tip to tail. I’m tempted to throw in a dragon metaphor but it’s not really the right animal. A tortoise is more apropos.
Bangkok temperatures dipped into the high 60s (low 20s for you non-Americans) last week, and in retaliation both King’s gogos shut off their air conditioners till around half 9, when the swampy perspiration of punters and pole dancers turned the place into a rank rainforest. Speaking of, Black Pagoda had jungle decorations up in preparation for the weekend’s theme party. The XXX girls also rehearsed for their camouflage/soldiers of sex theme. Little Nan continues to waste away. A casual observer would guess she’s anorexic, but we who know her know it’s a yaba dependency. She keeps asking to come over. I didn’t want to tell her the weight loss grosses me out so I said I was afraid she’d die in my bed. She asked me for cash to go to hospital, and of course I obliged. XXX was half full by 21.00 on Thursday and more-or-less remained that busy the rest of the night. In contrast, Bada Bing was uncharacteristically quiet, probably because most of their hotster (short for hot roster, copyright BKK7) were MIA. Pink Panther preserved its prevalence for pretty pole poon, with two rotations of 16 each. If you mongered through Covid, you understand the significance of seeing that many girls back onstage. A herd of honeys pre-weekend means we’re finally getting back to optimum levels of T and A. The tourists continue to flood in like an invading force, returning the strength of debauchapartying to epic proportions once more. I counted 15 girls in the Panther who I’d never seen before. That’s astounding. Three of them knew my name, though. I need to stop buying dinner for all the girls onPong. It provides the kind of fame that’ll make a monger broke. There’s no end to the hordes of hungry hussies in the redlight.
King’s Corner had 2 rotations of 10 and no air-con. Both King’s’s are Thai owned, and from Dec to Feb, Thais get inexplicably cold, even though overall temps only drop a couple degrees. They shut off the air, break out their coats, and shiver in what would be shorts and t-shirt weather anywhere else on Earth.
My Friday started out in Nana, where there are now farang security guards at the entrance sporting an air of arrogance that defies reason. Their presence is a mystery to me. Speaking of security, the whole Plaza is under prison-like lockdown, with guards everywhere, eyeing everyone with suspicion and derision. They search my bag on every visit. You’d think they’d be tired of seeing my mp3 player, plastic bag for shopping, reading glasses, and Covid mask, but whatever. How do you say “Your brown shirt squad left a bad taste in my mouth” in Thai? In Patpong, as long as you don’t kill anyone nobody gives a shit what you do.
Spanky’s had 16 topless dancers on a stage built for 10. Four couples huddled in the shadows, getting their rocks off. One of the intermission shows is girls in bikinis tossing beach balls around to the tune of Surfin’ USA. One girl motioned that she wanted to throw the ball to me. I said no, and pointed to the guy next to me. One second later the ball hit me in the face and ricocheted off into the DJ booth. For an instant, I was angry. But then I remembered that gogo dancers are not rocket scientists, and also my friends in the US have problems like govt tyranny, runaway inflation, empty store shelves, rampant crime, pharmacological fascism, and imminent world war. A topless girl tossing a beach ball at your face isn’t a legitimate gripe.
Billboard’s carousel had two rotations of 20 girls, plus a dozen in the tub. No one under 25 but some super-hot bods. Four American dudes in their late 20s sat stageside, and it was clear none of them would be getting laid that night, and probably not at all whilst in Thailand. They possessed neither the confidence nor the courage to pull any relevant triggers. They sat back and watched the stage in rapt silence, reacting to the girls’ flirtations with a mixture of confusion and shame. It was a reminder that you can lead a cuck to clunge but you can’t make him copulate.
From there I fled t’Pong. Turns out Thursday’s camo night in XXX was a one-off. Friday’s theme was no theme. Chicks decked out in bikinis, daisy dukes, lingerie. ‘Twas a cornucopia of cosplay. A cosplucopia (copyright BKK7). The Hangover Tour stopped by for a laser light show (photos in the slideshow companion for this post via the YouTube link below). With the influx of tourists and the return of locals who’d scurried home during Covid, there’s been a proportional rise in the number of awful cunts in the redlight. As I was finishing up in XXX an old, fat, ugly farang plopped down next to me. And though I didn’t recognize him, he must’ve been something of a regular because the mamasan, bar staff, and two dancers came over to wai and say hello. He waved them all off with disdain and beckoned the door hostess over. She declined, but so many others approached to pay some kind of misplaced respect. At one point, he did buy a drink for a barmaid. But it’s irksome that Bangkok is home to so many of these insufferable shit stains.
Bada Bing was out of control. A drunk friend of the manager challenged me to arm wrestle. I told him I don’t speak English, finished my beer, and bailed.
My Saturday began in XXX Lounge where a veteran gogo dancer who didn’t return post-lockdown was back onstage. I asked her where she’d been all this time, and she said she was dancing in Déjà vu on Soi Cowboy, but returned t’Pong because Cowboy is shit. I could’ve told her that and saved her the trouble.
In the eternal quest for poonlibirium (poon equilibrium) in the redlight, every gogowner (gogo owner) I talk to says they’re desperate for more girls in order to match the current tourfestation (tourist infestation). The gogo is a delicate ecosystem, indeed.
Soi 1 was buzzing early on Saturday, with herds of farang wandering through the night market and drinkers filling the seats in the bars around King’s Corner. Derby King was positively rammed. Bada Bing had only 6 dancers early on. The rest showed up around 21.30. I guess things pick up later in the night. At 21.45 King’s Castle was an absolute circus. One of my galpals stumbled over and spilled tequila all over me. Pink Panther had something like 40 girls and was completely out of control.
My mongering week ended with me making an ass of myself in Burger King. The dude taking my order somehow didn’t understand my drumbling (drunk mumbling) in Thai, and only half my order appeared. I proceeded to have a drultdown (drunk meltdown) and the staff were forced to placate me with a free chicken sandwich. The guilt is killing me, so I’ll have to swing by tonight and pay them the 69 baht.
And that’s all the monger that’s fit to ponder for now, friends. Check back next Sunday for another summary of red-light events. In the meantime, you can read more about Bangkok life on my Substack: https://bangkokseven.substack.com/
Redlight videos and slide shows, including the companion for this post, can be found at https://www.youtube.com/c/BangkokSeven
For racier content and candid videos from inside the gogos, plus selfies and TikToks by select girls, you can join a members-only site dedicated to Patpong gogo dancers for just 5 bucks a month over at https://unlockd.me/bangkokgogodancers which is a new platform. We’ve had to start over from scratch, since the old one refused to pay out. We’ll post a mix of old content and new, so if you’re a previous member, we’ll try to give you content that’s worth signing up for again.
Follow me on Twitter @BangkokSeven for daily pics from the redlight, and until next time, keep your balls warm, your beer cold, and cheers to another week above ground in the greatest country on Earth: Thailand.
Pro Tip Post-Script: If you barfine a girl and keep her overnight, don’t go back to the gogo the next night arm-in-arm with your longtime pole pussy to hug the mamasan (who you only met 20 hours earlier) like you’re old friends and buy drinks for your companion and all her cohorts. Of course, you’re happy you got laid, and you’re grateful beyond words for anyone and everyone who helped make it happen, but dude—it’s overkill. You look ridiculous. Have some self-respect.
